Since deciding to stay home as a full time mom this past December, I have discovered how much I truly love being at home with Avi. I feel blessed to be home. However, with this decision comes more household responsibility on my plate -- the good wife, I say. The good wife to my wife. Clean laundry, swept floors, home cooked healthy dinners around the table. But all of this, as many moms can attest to, is balanced with being present for our kidlets. I'm finding this requires a secret recipe of balance and planning. I'm still trying to figure out if it's 2 parts balance and 3 parts planning or 10 parts balance and a pinch of planning for taste. For me, a few hours on the weekend to plan menus, grocery lists, playdates and more.. then my I feel I'm "in control". But of course, not every well laid plan will manifest - especially with a little one in the house. It can be maddening when a shorter nap throws dinner prep out the window -- but then I call on my wonderful
Naropa training, and remind myself that it is only my expectation which is causing my frustration. Letting go, breathing in the moment, calling on patience, I release my frustration and
know trust that dinner will still find its way to the table. Becoming a mother is forcing me to release my control freak tendencies.
Everything has it's place, there is a right way to do anything and of course, I know the right way and I know where everything belongs. Ugh, what a rotten way to move through life. I had a therapist tell me that this way of controlling everything probably was a very useful tool that worked when my life was "small"... but marriage, a baby.... life is big now... too big for even me, the master control freak, to control.
At the end of the day when my partner arrives home from work, sometimes she gets what's left of me -- all out of patience and wanting to control
something anything her. I'm working on all of this, of course. We do a lot, the both of us, during our "work" days..
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| Now that Avi is older, he is very helpful in doing the chores... |
... as long as I can let go of "the right way"
This is good stuff, wise mama.
ReplyDelete:)
DeleteHappy to hear, honey, that you're letting go of the need to extract perfection from the ordinary. It is, very freeing, indeed to let it all go. Sometimes we work for order and sometimes order finds its own way through the chaos. I find myself asking the question often: In the end, what does it matter? I recently read that *all* your baby needs is a happy Mama (Ema) and I couldn't agree more. Clean houses and orderly silverware drawers are for the magazines.
ReplyDeleteyes, I'm looking to allow order to rise through the chaos... I'm hoping my family will find this more freeing as well! wink!
DeleteSo much truth - there is difficulty in letting go, but life as you knew it is gone and look how much richer it is now :) That's what I use to remind me when I can't control all that I want and things just don't go the way I "think" they should. It's all a learning curve.
ReplyDeleteyes, and resting in the learning curve has always been difficult for me.... something that I've been trying to find comfort in my entire adult life... I'll keep on working on it! :)
DeleteOh Jules, this touched my heart and made me laugh. It could have been my post! I think I said something like this a year ago! I am absolutely in love with the last picture. I'm a control freak too. Being a parent has really helped to tame that demon. I still say to myself on a daily basis she's learning to be a functioning human being. I found that after reading Bliss Filled Mama, I was much happier and able to deal with my daughter wanting to help in the way that wasn't the way I wanted her to help. Thanks for your openness!
ReplyDeleteKC, :) I might have to read Bliss Filled Mama myself! :)
DeleteSuch a wonderul post!! You are looking at another type A right here and as a mom that has been one of the biggest lessons - let it go, let it go. It is still a work in progress but each day I get better.
ReplyDeleteI do want my little man to remember a mama who had time to play and enjoy the rainbows, not a mama who was constantly cleaning, cooking and putting stuff away.
Thanks for sharing.
yes yes... today, I put down the dishrag and sat with Avi to read... we set out to read every book we had piled high, but got through four and then just read the same "truck" book over and over again. I found myself wondering why I was feeling the urge to guide him to a different book when all he wanted was the "truck" book. It's good to observe these moments... and not let them get the best of me! :)
DeleteLOL...Leave it to our Little Ones to teach us our most important lessons in life! Remember to breathe, be kind to yourself and trust the process :-) The lessons? They keep coming!
ReplyDeletethanks for the reminder! Compassion for ourselves, it is necessary!!! and yes... the lessons will keep coming... it's good to keep that in the forefront of my mind!! :)
DeleteOh, so very true for me and my control-freakish tendencies, too! I love that small world/big world analogy, and am going to try remembering that. Thanks so much for sharing these wise words :)
ReplyDelete-Jaime