Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Contemplations on Being Grown Up

A while back I visited Amanda over at Bound for Home and she had the song Back to the Earth by Rusted Root on grooveshark (still don't know how to use this feature on my blog). It was 1994, two years since I graduated high school and moved 1306.09 miles from my hometown. My childhood friend, Jennifer Mackowiak, who  had worked in a music store (remember those?), told me through a letter (and those?), or a long distance phone call (and those?), or on a trip home about Rusted Root. "Get their album", she said. "You'll love it".



And I did! When I Woke became part of the soundtrack to my life, along with Tori Amos' Under the Pink, Indigo Girl's Swamp Ophelia, Luka Bloom's Turf to name a few. Life was easy and complicated then. I felt so young. I remember asking my sister, (who is 10 years older than me), when she felt like an adult? "I still don't", she told me. I didn't believe her. She was married after all...  and they had plans to start a family. She sure seemed like an adult to me.

But hearing that song for the first time in a long time, I now understand what my sister meant. I have felt it -- that feeling of knowing I may never feel like an adult -- many times. I felt it on my wedding day, after my son was born, everytime I vote, and when I interview for jobs. I also see it when I'm in the classroom -- some of my students are my age, some older, but many... most weren't even in kindergarden when I was buying my first Rusted Root album. I feel my age when I look in their eyes - no indication of the dark circles to come.

I will celebrate by 40th birthday in 14 months. I am married. I have a son. I have a graduate degree. I still don't feel like an adult and everytime I hear one of those songs from my 20 year old soundtrack, I (don't) feel it even more!!


Monday, January 28, 2013

then.and.now


number.fifteen 
 But what minutes! Count them by sensation, and not by calendars, and each moment is a day. 
Benjamin Disraeli

September 7th 2011
January 27th 2013

Inviting you to join me in my Monday ritual ::: link up with your own then.and.now 

Friday, January 25, 2013

(this moment)


A Friday ritual. A single few photos - no words - capturing a moment from the week. 
A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. 
If you're inspired to do the same, link your 'moment' in the comments for all to find & see.







Joining Soulemama

Monday, January 21, 2013

then.and.now


number.fourteen
 But what minutes! Count them by sensation, and not by calendars, and each moment is a day. 
Benjamin Disraeli
                                                                                                                                                                                                        
 Avi and Carter :: When 3 months made a difference.

Carter and Avi :: And today.

Inviting you to join me in my Monday ritual ::: link up with your own then.and.now 

Friday, January 18, 2013

(this moment)


A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. 
A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. 
If you're inspired to do the same, link your 'moment' in the comments for all to find & see.



Joining Soulemama

Thursday, January 17, 2013

NINE


We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.  ~Thornton Wilder


A few of this weeks treasures with some random musings along the way!!

Lamb splits and giggles

I wrote this note to Avi on a yellowing leaf I pulled off of one of our houseplants. Every time Avi sees it, he says, "My leaf note from Ema". It melts my heart. I had to photograph it as it's slowly wrinkling and drying out...and might end up in the compost bin.

We've graduated to the booster seat. This little bird is growing at tremendous speeds these days.

Our girls still reliable in these continuous below freezing temps. (And we don't heat our coup)!

Contemplations that this magical moment brought.

 Tea for two. 

The last bit of Hanukkah took place in our house this past weekend. One more present from Grandma and Grandpa that we were waiting for the perfect time to open. Avi has painted and chalked at his new easel everyday since. Thank you so much G and G!!!

 The concentration and detail of his work. Important work. 


 I invite you to join me in my Thursday ritual.

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Contemplations :: Gender Stereotypes and Kidlets

Yesterday, in effort to help a friend find some winter boots, Avi and I hung out in the shoe department of a consignment store for about 15 minutes. He began by stuffing his cars into the shoes – a beloved pastime at home. I love when I’m getting ready to leave the house and find his loving gestures unexpectedly meeting my feet. It wasn’t long before he grabbed a pair of black, sparkly high heels and brought them to me, “Take off my shoes, Ema”.


 

Before long, he was walking in these high heels proudly through the store. Finding himself in the mirror and having a private conversation. “Do you like these?” he asked. “Yes, I do,” said his reflection.



My heart melted a little as I watched him walk effortlessly in these shoes. That’s my son. I love that my boy was drawn to a pair of shoes that I would never in my life, not even for a costume, wear. 



But quickly I thought of our society and of older generations that question this behavior. The time my mom said, “Don’t you mean, handsome” when I called my newborn son beautiful. The judgment of others that my son has a stroller (a gift from my mom – good job mom) and a baby doll or sews buttons or loves his ironing board. The exaggerated apologies when people are corrected that my long-haired beauty isn’t a “she” (Note: I rarely correct).  Or that we encourage the whole spectrum of feelings.

I know many parents are raising their boys with dolls and girls with trucks these days, but because I’m queer… and our son has a two mama family… I think there is an unfounded fear that if we don’t raise our son to be “manly” (whatever the F*** that means) that he will be gay. (gasp). 

I do many things to challenge gender stereotypes.  I change gender of some of the diggers and excavators and bulldozers in his books. (Why do diggers all have to be male anyway?) I change the words of dated books, firemen become firefighters, mailmen are mail carriers, etc. In the telling of the Three Little Pigs, our woodcutter who gives the pig sticks is a women, so is the farmer who gives the pig straw and the mason who shares her bricks.


Gandhi said, Be the change you wish to see in the world. In raising my son to know that a women can be a wood chopper and cry when he is hurt or sad and push his dolls in the stroller and sew buttons on fabric, I do so because I want him to grow into a man who is respectful to women, can express his emotions, and be loving to his own children and a jack and jill of all trades. This is the change I want to see in the world. 


And if I someday I am blessed to have a daughter, I will do the same, so that she grows to know she can be as strong as a bulldozer and express her feelings and know how to build something amazing with her tools.

the teeter-totter: inspired by MJ

"Too long have I lived in the shadowy darkness of longing, of wishing, of wondering. Too long have I been frozen and too afraid to unleash the deep, inner workings of my creative soul. No one should be so starved. Not me, not you, not anyone.  Leave the shadow behind and don the wings that were meant for you and only you. Bring to life your purpose, your gifts, your passion, and hide in the darkness no more." 

These beautiful words by MJ over at Wander Wonder Discover have stirred something deep within.  

Sunset :: Tungabhadra River near Hampi, India


I have been shackled by my own insecurities. 

I stand in the cool air and watch the evening (verb) of day time and night time - the light slowly dipping and the dark slowly rising. In this shift, there exists but a moment when both day and night are balanced - each one on the opposite ends of a teeter-totter - neither one with feet touching the ground. Perfectly balanced. Then day continues to dip beyond the fulcrum pushing night higher so. I stand in darkness. I imagine the fulcrum of my soul's longings. On one end is the longing, the wishing, the wondering in the darkness. On the other end is the action, the doing, the possibilities.



I feel like I have spent so much time trying to cherry drop my insecurities, that I have failed to see how I am still suspended.... my feet far from the ground and no awareness of my own wings to free me. 




I thought I was 'winning' but realize now that I am just getting in my own way. Yes yes, Julie, honor those beautiful places in your life.. you are a good mother. A great mother. and you are an amazing educator. Those things aren't meant to be dismissed. But being defensive about what it is that you do well is only you getting in your own way. 




What you, that is I, need is balancing... honor the dreaming, longing, wishing... by stepping from the darkness of your insecurities and watch as the darkness dips and let the daytime of your longings rise. Rise into action, doing, possibilities.  And notice the moment....the evening (verb) of night to day. Hear the chickens wake. The birds' songs. And then step into the sunlight and sing your own song. YOU, that is me, cannot hide any longer. It is time. 


Sunrise :: Boulder, Colorado


Monday, January 14, 2013

then.and.now: sandbox


number.thirteen

But what minutes! Count them by sensation, and not by calendars, and each moment is a day.    ~Benjamin Disraeli                                                                                                                                                                                                                          
a babe in his sandbox

a boy in his sandbox

Inviting you to join me in my Monday ritual ::: link up with your own then.and.now 

Friday, January 11, 2013

(this moment)


A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. 
A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. 
If you're inspired to do the same, link your 'moment' in the comments for all to find & see.


Joining Soulemama

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Nine


We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.  ~Thornton Wilder

My Thursday Ritual. I invite you to join me.
A few of this weeks treasures with some random musings along the way!!
 Avi and Michelle (our beloved Nanny) working in the kitchen together. I am so grateful for the laughter and love that Michelle brings to Avi and that Avi brings to Michelle. She has been traveling this past week with another family that she works with and how we have missed her. 

Creating the time to cook and eat a delicious breakfast. Soothes the soul.

Many of our community contributed to the cause to bring this magical friend to Boulder. She thought she'd stay for a week... but we've convinced her to stay until July! So grateful to all of those who helped. Melissa, we are glad you have arrived! 

Learning to wait....

 ... to have moments likes these. 
Which have Avi waking in the morning saying, "Can I go to Carter's and eat popcorn"

 My silly lovely goofed so much that this was the best shot of our family at the park the other day. 

 Love!

 We have been blessed with the geese flying over our home and neighborhood so much lately. 
We love the geese!

I adore the shadow of his hair on his face!!

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Taste of Tuesday :: Sun Dried Tomatoes

It's difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.  ~Lewis Grizzard



This photo above still makes me laugh as I was making tomato-less bolognese sauce while those beauties sat waiting.


And sure, it's been months since I've walked into the kitchen just to see all of our home grown tomatoes staring back at me. But it's only been minutes since I've tasted the sweetness of summer... even with all the cold weather and snow outside. This year, in my effort to not let anything from our gardens go to waste, (and doing so without canning because I haven't been brave enough to take on that endeavor) I decided to make sun dried tomatoes. But instead of the sun, we used our oven. Super easy!! 

Sun Oven Dried Tomatoes: 
Quarter larger tomatoes, half smaller romas, and leave cherry tomatoes as is. Spread onto several baking sheets. (Some websites advised not letting them touch, but mine did and they shrunk up just fine).
Set your oven to the lowest temperature and bake for 6-24 hours. I checked mine after 7 hours and they were finally done after 12 hours. But if you are using larger tomatoes it may take longer. 


Just put them into mason jars and freeze. They are great for on top of salads or just as is. On a cold, gray, dark, winter day, there is nothing better than tasting the sweetness of your homegrown tomatoes.

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Nine


We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.  ~Thornton Wilder

My Thursday Ritual. I invite you to join me.
A few of this weeks treasures with some random musings along the way!!
 Ella came over again - and her and Avi played through all the rituals of the day. Playing, getting ready for work, going to school, eating, napping, and even bathing. "I'm the mama", she said. 

 So thrilled to have our friends Chris and Sara come for a visit with their cutest one, Harrison! 

I have to honor the mama of this family. We had her home for nine straight days as she transitioned out of her full time work and into private practice. It was so great to have her to ourselves!!! And we couldn't be more proud of her bravery for making this huge leap!!

And she turned another year older!!
So we celebrated Jenny style with a little bit surprise, a few friends, and, of course, sushi!!! 


I love this series of photos. Erin is reading Jenn's birthday horoscope to her. 
I still don't know what it said -- but these pictures are priceless!




And finally, a little more Avi and Mama time.