Wednesday, January 16, 2013

the teeter-totter: inspired by MJ

"Too long have I lived in the shadowy darkness of longing, of wishing, of wondering. Too long have I been frozen and too afraid to unleash the deep, inner workings of my creative soul. No one should be so starved. Not me, not you, not anyone.  Leave the shadow behind and don the wings that were meant for you and only you. Bring to life your purpose, your gifts, your passion, and hide in the darkness no more." 

These beautiful words by MJ over at Wander Wonder Discover have stirred something deep within.  

Sunset :: Tungabhadra River near Hampi, India

I have been shackled by my own insecurities. 

I stand in the cool air and watch the evening (verb) of day time and night time - the light slowly dipping and the dark slowly rising. In this shift, there exists but a moment when both day and night are balanced - each one on the opposite ends of a teeter-totter - neither one with feet touching the ground. Perfectly balanced. Then day continues to dip beyond the fulcrum pushing night higher so. I stand in darkness. I imagine the fulcrum of my soul's longings. On one end is the longing, the wishing, the wondering in the darkness. On the other end is the action, the doing, the possibilities.

I feel like I have spent so much time trying to cherry drop my insecurities, that I have failed to see how I am still suspended.... my feet far from the ground and no awareness of my own wings to free me. 

I thought I was 'winning' but realize now that I am just getting in my own way. Yes yes, Julie, honor those beautiful places in your life.. you are a good mother. A great mother. and you are an amazing educator. Those things aren't meant to be dismissed. But being defensive about what it is that you do well is only you getting in your own way. 

What you, that is I, need is balancing... honor the dreaming, longing, wishing... by stepping from the darkness of your insecurities and watch as the darkness dips and let the daytime of your longings rise. Rise into action, doing, possibilities.  And notice the moment....the evening (verb) of night to day. Hear the chickens wake. The birds' songs. And then step into the sunlight and sing your own song. YOU, that is me, cannot hide any longer. It is time. 

Sunrise :: Boulder, Colorado


  1. growing is hard work. i think harder when you are an adult. such beautiful words.

  2. This is stunning Jules. Your words sound like doors opening to me. I am humbled by your willingness to bear discomfort, it's what happens just before the light comes rushing in.
    Love to you my dear sister..

  3. "it is time"
    yes to that sister. love you and miss you!


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