Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Contemplations on Being Grown Up

A while back I visited Amanda over at Bound for Home and she had the song Back to the Earth by Rusted Root on grooveshark (still don't know how to use this feature on my blog). It was 1994, two years since I graduated high school and moved 1306.09 miles from my hometown. My childhood friend, Jennifer Mackowiak, who  had worked in a music store (remember those?), told me through a letter (and those?), or a long distance phone call (and those?), or on a trip home about Rusted Root. "Get their album", she said. "You'll love it".



And I did! When I Woke became part of the soundtrack to my life, along with Tori Amos' Under the Pink, Indigo Girl's Swamp Ophelia, Luka Bloom's Turf to name a few. Life was easy and complicated then. I felt so young. I remember asking my sister, (who is 10 years older than me), when she felt like an adult? "I still don't", she told me. I didn't believe her. She was married after all...  and they had plans to start a family. She sure seemed like an adult to me.

But hearing that song for the first time in a long time, I now understand what my sister meant. I have felt it -- that feeling of knowing I may never feel like an adult -- many times. I felt it on my wedding day, after my son was born, everytime I vote, and when I interview for jobs. I also see it when I'm in the classroom -- some of my students are my age, some older, but many... most weren't even in kindergarden when I was buying my first Rusted Root album. I feel my age when I look in their eyes - no indication of the dark circles to come.

I will celebrate by 40th birthday in 14 months. I am married. I have a son. I have a graduate degree. I still don't feel like an adult and everytime I hear one of those songs from my 20 year old soundtrack, I (don't) feel it even more!!


14 comments:

  1. How cool that you and Amanda know each other in real life...I have a little list in my head of bloggers I would like to meet in real life and she is one of them (you too).

    I too wonder when I fell grown up, more like an adult. I will be 41 this year, and still I have this question. I mean in some aspects I feel like an adult but then there are others where I don't.

    I guess as long as it keeps me feeling young it is all okay :)

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    1. Kim... I don't know Amanda except via this blog world. I do too have that list of bloggers I want to meet! hugs!!!

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    2. thank you, Kim. You're both on my "wish I could meet" list! xo

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    3. Likewise Amanda... you and KIM!

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  2. i wonder if that is a myth... that feeling like an adult. my 84 year old MIL says she still doesn't feel like an adult in her mind, but her body does feel old at times.
    i am 40, have 6 kids, have been married for almost 22 years and most of the time i feel like a kid (except when i pay the bills, then i feel like an adult. lol)

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  3. Just this morning Steve was saying, "you think he's early 40's?" I respond, "no way! he's our age."
    and then I remembered...
    18 months til my 40th. i'm right behind you. and right next to you.
    and i love that song!

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  4. I love this, Jules. The music in our soul--a travelogue of our memories and movements.

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    1. what song reminds you of your youth? .... oh wait... you still are there! hugs

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  5. A few years ago my husband and I went to a David Gray concert. We were sitting in the theater watching everyone walk in. I commented that everyone looks so much older. My husband started laughing and responded "they're our age!". I think the only time I know I'm an adult is when one of the kids is having a temper tantrum and I have to be the calm and sooth them even though I sometimes want to join them.

    p.s. Grooveshark has embed codes for songs that you use just like the codes for youtube. I think you have to have an account to get the code, but it's free to have one. :)

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    1. I forgot....Rusted Root is touring. I found out the day after they played 20 minutes from me. I was bummed!

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    2. Amanda... I know what you mean about "wanting to join them"... smiles. Thanks for the grooveshark advice... I guess that's another thing that makes me feel old... technology! ha!!

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  6. Amen, sister! I'll be 40 in October and I remember dancing my butt off at SPAC (Saratoga Performing Arts Center) in New York when I was oh, 20 or 21. Almost 20 years ago...IMPOSSIBLE!!!

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