Contemplations: Potty Training.

 Yesterday's post clued you into what's been happening in our home these past few weeks. 

Here are my accompanying contemplations. 

When Avi was 1 and 1/2 years old, I felt on top of the potty training thing. We had been doing Elimination Communication with him since he was just 8 weeks old.  I was confident that we were making good decisions and what we were doing was working. Now that Avi is 2 and 1/2, I look back and realize a few mistakes I made that caused a little bit of a halt in being diaper free. (And sure, I know that I could have done "everything right" and we might still be where we are, but nonetheless, maybe my experience could help someone else).

My biggest regret is that we first purchased a toilet seat (which sits atop the toilet) instead of a freestanding potty chair. Now, I had gotten to know Avi's cues pretty quickly. Seeing him begin to grunt and become red faced, I would pick him up and carry him to the bathroom and lift him onto the toilet. This worked fine until he began walking and didn't want me to pick him up and carry him to the toilet. He began to say something to the tune of, "Avi walk himself". And then I would hold his hand and we would walk to the bathroom together. But still, he was dependent on me to help him onto the toilet. "Avi walk himself" was soon replaced with, "No, no, no".  It wasn't long before he began to prefer to poop in his diaper. I felt horrible. Hadn't we come so far? Sometimes I'd go 10 weeks without having to change a poopy diaper. And now he was pooping in his diaper??? Where had a I gone wrong? In the moment it wasn't completely clear, but I also wasn't completely oblivious. So I finally bought the freestanding potty. In hindsight it's easy to see -- of course, a child needs a potty chair that is his size. One that he can sit down on without any help.  

And then when Avi turned two, I got a little over zealous in my own efforts and created a paradigm for him to "hurry up and grow up". More about that here. I put on my own breaks and just left the matter of potty training well alone. Though he did continue to sit on the potty (the potty chair and the big toilet) every now and then.

After about a month of slowing down, I began to communicate even more with Avi. We talked about him growing bigger and that someday he wouldn't have nee-nee (breast milk) anymore. And in the process of three months of talking, Avi, at 28 months, was ready to be done with nursing (and so was I)! That was last October. It was a beautiful ending to nursing that we did together via discussions. And over the last two months, we have been talking again... this time about the potty.  

In that time, I did more research, talked with other mamas, and read books (I like Diaper Free Before Three the best). Last week, I went on a potty training supply/readiness binge:

•  I ordered another bjorn potty (got sick of carrying the one we had upstairs and downstairs) and even let Avi pick which color he wanted.
• I ordered a travel potty for the car.
• I ordered two mattress covers for his bed.
• I bought a new wet bag and dug out our two old ones (for wet/soiled underwear on the go).
• I set up the diaper pail again (for wet/soiled underwear). 
• I bought a dozen or so more cotton trainers and unders. 
• I got about a 1/2 dozen waterproof training pants (which we wear over the cotton underwear when we go out of the house). These are a godsend!
• And I arranged a meeting with Jenn, myself, and our nanny so that we could all be on the same page about our approach. 

He likes his privacy. Thus I'm often checking in on him through the crack beneath the door. 

So Avi is no longer wearing a diaper, (except for nap and bed), and we are all finding our new rhythm which includes using the potty (a lot!). Our first outings without diapers were hugely successful which helps me as much as it helps him. I can see how this gentler shift is so much better for Avi and for me/us (and my patience). And I can also see how this is, indeed, a shift and see him testing his boundaries a little too. All part of the process. 

I'm grateful for the place we are in, for the communication that is happening (amongst us all) and for the milestones we are reaching. I feel like we are finding our way again. 

Last night:
Ema: When the timer goes off, it will be time to head upstairs to brush your teeth and get ready for bed.
Avi: And sit on the potty.
Ema: Yes, and sit on the potty.

then.and.now

number.sixteen

 But what minutes! Count them by sensation, and not by calendars, and each moment is a day. 

Benjamin Disraeli

April 2011

 February 2013

 Inviting you to join me in my Monday ritual ::: link up with your own then.and.now 

elimination communication

While I was pregnant, I read an article in Mothering magazine about Elimination Communication (E.C.)  

After I read the article, I thought back to my stay in India.  Rewind to 2005. I left for India two days after Hurricane Katrina struck.  At the airport, I remember seeing a front page photo of a family that painted on the roof of their house their need for  "food, water, and diapers".  When I arrived in India, I was living in a place still recovering from the 2004 Tsunami.  About a month into my stay, I went with my friend, Rajaveni, to her family's home in a village. She was holding her niece and asked me if I wanted to hold her.  I reluctantly took her asking, "will she pee on me?" as she wasn't wearing a diaper.  Rajaveni laughed at me and said "no."  I asked, "how can you know for sure?"  She said, "her mother knows when she needs to go to the bathroom." I thought of the newspaper image of the New Orlean's family needing diapers.  Obviously the villagers in the area hit by the Tsunami weren't in need of diapers, because they do not use them.  They did what mothers have done since ancient times.... learn the cues of their little ones. 

So after reading this article, I thought that we might set out to be diaper free.  Of course this is after we already did all the research on and bought cloth diapers. But then our baby was born.... meconium, little sleep, and my yoni was sooo sore.  But then at about 8 weeks we found our rhythm and started holding our little one over the potty to poop and pee.  I would sit myself on the edge of the toilet facing backwards and hold him (also backwards) over the potty. Eventually, when Avi was older and could sit up on his own,  we got the baby bjorn toilet seat and Avi started sitting on the potty frontwards.  We still use diapers.... lots of them... but most of them are just pee.  I haven't changed a poopy diaper in almost months!  One of the beautiful aspects of E.C. is that it's not all or nothing -- even part time E.C. is E.C.  

Some of my favorite moments in our journey of E.C. aren't captured in photos... but they include:

• his first public poop was in what seemed like the smallest public bathroom in 100 mile radius.  I was laughing so hard at the fact that there was barely room for me to hold him over the potty. He was a trooper.  
• in the middle of the night when Avi was tossing and turning and not sleeping.... he signed "poop". So we got out of bed and I put him on the potty and he pooped.
• when getting ready to order at a restaurant and having to tell the server that they have to come back as I see Avi's cues (grunting, red face) and lift him from his seat and hightail it to the bathroom. A side note: as we've held him over potties in lots of places, he's not afraid of the noisy big echoey bathrooms. 
• when playing outside with his friend, Avi stopped pushing his wagon, walked back across the cul de sac, down the driveway, up the front porch steps, and stood at the door and started grunting.  I took him inside, put him on the potty and he pooped.  :)

and then there are a few moments that we did capture in photos.... here are a few:

 

I feel grateful that we came across E.C. when we did.  I'm certainly not as cued as much as my ancestors and those mamas who live in villages that do not use diapers.  But I am glad for the diapers that we don't have to dirty.  Your thoughts? Experiences?