Contemplations: Potty Training.

 Yesterday's post clued you into what's been happening in our home these past few weeks. 

Here are my accompanying contemplations. 

When Avi was 1 and 1/2 years old, I felt on top of the potty training thing. We had been doing Elimination Communication with him since he was just 8 weeks old.  I was confident that we were making good decisions and what we were doing was working. Now that Avi is 2 and 1/2, I look back and realize a few mistakes I made that caused a little bit of a halt in being diaper free. (And sure, I know that I could have done "everything right" and we might still be where we are, but nonetheless, maybe my experience could help someone else).

My biggest regret is that we first purchased a toilet seat (which sits atop the toilet) instead of a freestanding potty chair. Now, I had gotten to know Avi's cues pretty quickly. Seeing him begin to grunt and become red faced, I would pick him up and carry him to the bathroom and lift him onto the toilet. This worked fine until he began walking and didn't want me to pick him up and carry him to the toilet. He began to say something to the tune of, "Avi walk himself". And then I would hold his hand and we would walk to the bathroom together. But still, he was dependent on me to help him onto the toilet. "Avi walk himself" was soon replaced with, "No, no, no".  It wasn't long before he began to prefer to poop in his diaper. I felt horrible. Hadn't we come so far? Sometimes I'd go 10 weeks without having to change a poopy diaper. And now he was pooping in his diaper??? Where had a I gone wrong? In the moment it wasn't completely clear, but I also wasn't completely oblivious. So I finally bought the freestanding potty. In hindsight it's easy to see -- of course, a child needs a potty chair that is his size. One that he can sit down on without any help.  

And then when Avi turned two, I got a little over zealous in my own efforts and created a paradigm for him to "hurry up and grow up". More about that here. I put on my own breaks and just left the matter of potty training well alone. Though he did continue to sit on the potty (the potty chair and the big toilet) every now and then.

After about a month of slowing down, I began to communicate even more with Avi. We talked about him growing bigger and that someday he wouldn't have nee-nee (breast milk) anymore. And in the process of three months of talking, Avi, at 28 months, was ready to be done with nursing (and so was I)! That was last October. It was a beautiful ending to nursing that we did together via discussions. And over the last two months, we have been talking again... this time about the potty.  

In that time, I did more research, talked with other mamas, and read books (I like Diaper Free Before Three the best). Last week, I went on a potty training supply/readiness binge:

•  I ordered another bjorn potty (got sick of carrying the one we had upstairs and downstairs) and even let Avi pick which color he wanted.
• I ordered a travel potty for the car.
• I ordered two mattress covers for his bed.
• I bought a new wet bag and dug out our two old ones (for wet/soiled underwear on the go).
• I set up the diaper pail again (for wet/soiled underwear). 
• I bought a dozen or so more cotton trainers and unders. 
• I got about a 1/2 dozen waterproof training pants (which we wear over the cotton underwear when we go out of the house). These are a godsend!
• And I arranged a meeting with Jenn, myself, and our nanny so that we could all be on the same page about our approach. 

He likes his privacy. Thus I'm often checking in on him through the crack beneath the door. 

So Avi is no longer wearing a diaper, (except for nap and bed), and we are all finding our new rhythm which includes using the potty (a lot!). Our first outings without diapers were hugely successful which helps me as much as it helps him. I can see how this gentler shift is so much better for Avi and for me/us (and my patience). And I can also see how this is, indeed, a shift and see him testing his boundaries a little too. All part of the process. 

I'm grateful for the place we are in, for the communication that is happening (amongst us all) and for the milestones we are reaching. I feel like we are finding our way again. 

Last night:
Ema: When the timer goes off, it will be time to head upstairs to brush your teeth and get ready for bed.
Avi: And sit on the potty.
Ema: Yes, and sit on the potty.

the teeter-totter: inspired by MJ

"Too long have I lived in the shadowy darkness of longing, of wishing, of wondering. Too long have I been frozen and too afraid to unleash the deep, inner workings of my creative soul. No one should be so starved. Not me, not you, not anyone.  Leave the shadow behind and don the wings that were meant for you and only you. Bring to life your purpose, your gifts, your passion, and hide in the darkness no more." 

These beautiful words by MJ over at Wander Wonder Discover have stirred something deep within.  

Sunset :: Tungabhadra River near Hampi, India

I have been shackled by my own insecurities. 

I stand in the cool air and watch the evening (verb) of day time and night time - the light slowly dipping and the dark slowly rising. In this shift, there exists but a moment when both day and night are balanced - each one on the opposite ends of a teeter-totter - neither one with feet touching the ground. Perfectly balanced. Then day continues to dip beyond the fulcrum pushing night higher so. I stand in darkness. I imagine the fulcrum of my soul's longings. On one end is the longing, the wishing, the wondering in the darkness. On the other end is the action, the doing, the possibilities.

I feel like I have spent so much time trying to cherry drop my insecurities, that I have failed to see how I am still suspended.... my feet far from the ground and no awareness of my own wings to free me. 



I thought I was 'winning' but realize now that I am just getting in my own way. Yes yes, Julie, honor those beautiful places in your life.. you are a good mother. A great mother. and you are an amazing educator. Those things aren't meant to be dismissed. But being defensive about what it is that you do well is only you getting in your own way. 



What you, that is I, need is balancing... honor the dreaming, longing, wishing... by stepping from the darkness of your insecurities and watch as the darkness dips and let the daytime of your longings rise. Rise into action, doing, possibilities.  And notice the moment....the evening (verb) of night to day. Hear the chickens wake. The birds' songs. And then step into the sunlight and sing your own song. YOU, that is me, cannot hide any longer. It is time. 

Sunrise :: Boulder, Colorado

NINE

We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.  ~Thornton Wilder

A few of this weeks treasures with some random musings along the way!!

Oh how I love thee... let me count the ways! 

I just can't seem to get enough of him! Since I've started back at work I find that our time together is more balanced. Playing together instead of me feeling like I'm always saying, "in just a moment". Parenting is hard work. Parenting and keeping the household - harder. I love the days when I can text Jenn before she arrives home from work with the warning, "the house is messy". Then there is no cause for concern. (But who is getting dinner on the table? oh yeah, me!)  It's all about balance and I'm finding more these days - even with less time. 

 My neighbor Sara said it best about our boys: "two year olds for hire"

 Riding high with mama in the Boba: sharing his farmer's market carrot with Ema.

 This sweet sign: and meeting baby Linden, who it's for! Welcome to the world little man!

 Trampoline fun with Avi: and his hair!! 

 This smile. Period.

 Apple harvest: time to start making applesauce and pies and crisps and and and...

 Wednesday's forecast high of 61, overcast, rain: long sleeves, long pants, socks... first time this season!! I hear people saying that summer is over.... NO!!!!  It's late summer!!!  And it's one of my favorite parts of summer. 

I found some patience this week in the kitchen: and Avi used his mad skillz to help make his french toast. I love that I can find the places where I can allow my 2 year old to be at the hot stove. It is with guidance and supervision that our kiddos can learn where to touch and where not to touch. Things that are "hot" or "dangerous" don't always have to be off limits if we can find the patience and time to really be there.