then.and.now

number.fifteen 

 But what minutes! Count them by sensation, and not by calendars, and each moment is a day. 

Benjamin Disraeli

September 7th 2011

January 27th 2013

Inviting you to join me in my Monday ritual ::: link up with your own then.and.now 

(this moment)

A Friday ritual. A single few photos - no words - capturing a moment from the week. 

A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. 

If you're inspired to do the same, link your 'moment' in the comments for all to find & see.

Joining Soulemama

then.and.now

number.fourteen

 But what minutes! Count them by sensation, and not by calendars, and each moment is a day. 

Benjamin Disraeli

                                                                                                                                                                                                        

 Avi and Carter :: When 3 months made a difference.

Carter and Avi :: And today.

Inviting you to join me in my Monday ritual ::: link up with your own then.and.now 

(this moment)

A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. 

A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. 

If you're inspired to do the same, link your 'moment' in the comments for all to find & see.

Joining Soulemama

NINE

We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures.  ~Thornton Wilder

A few of this weeks treasures with some random musings along the way!!

Lamb splits and giggles

I wrote this note to Avi on a yellowing leaf I pulled off of one of our houseplants. Every time Avi sees it, he says, "My leaf note from Ema". It melts my heart. I had to photograph it as it's slowly wrinkling and drying out...and might end up in the compost bin.

We've graduated to the booster seat. This little bird is growing at tremendous speeds these days.

Our girls still reliable in these continuous below freezing temps. (And we don't heat our coup)!

Contemplations that this magical moment brought.

 Tea for two. 

The last bit of Hanukkah took place in our house this past weekend. One more present from Grandma and Grandpa that we were waiting for the perfect time to open. Avi has painted and chalked at his new easel everyday since. Thank you so much G and G!!!

 The concentration and detail of his work. Important work. 

My own personal teeter-totter

 I invite you to join me in my Thursday ritual.

Contemplations :: Gender Stereotypes and Kidlets

Yesterday, in effort to help a friend find some winter boots, Avi and I hung out in the shoe department of a consignment store for about 15 minutes. He began by stuffing his cars into the shoes – a beloved pastime at home. I love when I’m getting ready to leave the house and find his loving gestures unexpectedly meeting my feet. It wasn’t long before he grabbed a pair of black, sparkly high heels and brought them to me, “Take off my shoes, Ema”.

 

Before long, he was walking in these high heels proudly through the store. Finding himself in the mirror and having a private conversation. “Do you like these?” he asked. “Yes, I do,” said his reflection.

My heart melted a little as I watched him walk effortlessly in these shoes. That’s my son. I love that my boy was drawn to a pair of shoes that I would never in my life, not even for a costume, wear. 

But quickly I thought of our society and of older generations that question this behavior. The time my mom said, “Don’t you mean, handsome” when I called my newborn son beautiful. The judgment of others that my son has a stroller (a gift from my mom – good job mom) and a baby doll or sews buttons or loves his ironing board. The exaggerated apologies when people are corrected that my long-haired beauty isn’t a “she” (Note: I rarely correct).  Or that we encourage the whole spectrum of feelings.

I know many parents are raising their boys with dolls and girls with trucks these days, but because I’m queer… and our son has a two mama family… I think there is an unfounded fear that if we don’t raise our son to be “manly” (whatever the F*** that means) that he will be gay. (gasp). 

I do many things to challenge gender stereotypes.  I change gender of some of the diggers and excavators and bulldozers in his books. (Why do diggers all have to be male anyway?) I change the words of dated books, firemen become firefighters, mailmen are mail carriers, etc. In the telling of the Three Little Pigs, our woodcutter who gives the pig sticks is a women, so is the farmer who gives the pig straw and the mason who shares her bricks.

Gandhi said, Be the change you wish to see in the world. In raising my son to know that a women can be a wood chopper and cry when he is hurt or sad and push his dolls in the stroller and sew buttons on fabric, I do so because I want him to grow into a man who is respectful to women, can express his emotions, and be loving to his own children and a jack and jill of all trades. This is the change I want to see in the world. 

And if I someday I am blessed to have a daughter, I will do the same, so that she grows to know she can be as strong as a bulldozer and express her feelings and know how to build something amazing with her tools.

the teeter-totter: inspired by MJ

"Too long have I lived in the shadowy darkness of longing, of wishing, of wondering. Too long have I been frozen and too afraid to unleash the deep, inner workings of my creative soul. No one should be so starved. Not me, not you, not anyone.  Leave the shadow behind and don the wings that were meant for you and only you. Bring to life your purpose, your gifts, your passion, and hide in the darkness no more." 

These beautiful words by MJ over at Wander Wonder Discover have stirred something deep within.  

Sunset :: Tungabhadra River near Hampi, India

I have been shackled by my own insecurities. 

I stand in the cool air and watch the evening (verb) of day time and night time - the light slowly dipping and the dark slowly rising. In this shift, there exists but a moment when both day and night are balanced - each one on the opposite ends of a teeter-totter - neither one with feet touching the ground. Perfectly balanced. Then day continues to dip beyond the fulcrum pushing night higher so. I stand in darkness. I imagine the fulcrum of my soul's longings. On one end is the longing, the wishing, the wondering in the darkness. On the other end is the action, the doing, the possibilities.

I feel like I have spent so much time trying to cherry drop my insecurities, that I have failed to see how I am still suspended.... my feet far from the ground and no awareness of my own wings to free me. 



I thought I was 'winning' but realize now that I am just getting in my own way. Yes yes, Julie, honor those beautiful places in your life.. you are a good mother. A great mother. and you are an amazing educator. Those things aren't meant to be dismissed. But being defensive about what it is that you do well is only you getting in your own way. 



What you, that is I, need is balancing... honor the dreaming, longing, wishing... by stepping from the darkness of your insecurities and watch as the darkness dips and let the daytime of your longings rise. Rise into action, doing, possibilities.  And notice the moment....the evening (verb) of night to day. Hear the chickens wake. The birds' songs. And then step into the sunlight and sing your own song. YOU, that is me, cannot hide any longer. It is time. 

Sunrise :: Boulder, Colorado